Many have come across the word “codependency” somewhere in today’s verbage. Most famous for writing on this topic was the author Melody Beattie, who authored the book “Codependent No More”. This book is a fantastic read, and it distinguishes where the term comes from originally which was that a co-dependent was the person in relationship with the substance dependent (most notably at the time – alcoholic), generally the significant other. She noted that most of these persons living with addicts or alcoholics had some similar personality characteristics. Well, these days there is still not a great agreement on those characteristics. As the term codependent is used today, it need even be a person who is in a relationship with someone who is substance dependent. So, at this point, you are probably curious what exactly a codependent person looks like. Here are some traits that might be true for a person with codependency:
1) Believes they are responsible for the thoughts, feelings, or actions of another person
2) Feels angry and hurt often
3) Has trouble seeing situations or people realistically
4) Feels controlled by others
5) Feels lonely often
6) Has the overwhelming urge to be liked by others
7) Sacrifices their own desires to make others happy
Is more secure when praised by others
9) Needs to feel needed
10) Has difficulty saying no when asked to do something
Traditionally these people are often given the label of “people pleasers” but the inherent problem for these people is that they are frequently unhappy because their own needs and goals go unmet. Sound like you? Well, start with reading the above mentioned book for more info. If you feel like that just got you thinking even more, there is always help there for those who ask. In wellness- David